God Cannot Lie

Every time December rolls round you hear people say with shock, ‘I can’t believe is December already! Where has the year gone?!’ The year has gone at the same pace as it has every year – one day at a time. But, it still doesn’t stop me from being shocked that next year is 2008 and that I will be married and Dr Pencle/Ricketts by the time December 2008 comes round. Looking back over the past 12 months, it seems to me, that life hasn’t worked out the way I envisioned it. I’ve battled with feelings of failure and non-achievement because I did not submit my thesis on time, which was worsened because my cousin who started after me has now finished before me. And this spirit of worthlessness and mediocrity descends on me. It is so heavy, and I feel my shoulders hunch forward because of the weight. I feel that I have let my mom down and she has to be in Jamaica fending off the vultures who are bemused and ask ‘What is taking me so long?!’ I’m still working my way through Martin Luther’s writings in the devotional Faith Alone. This was a recent entry, which inspired the contents of this month’s blog:

[God] requires us to trust His words and His promises even when the opposite of those promises is happening to us…We should believe God when he promises to love and protect us, take care of us, and listen to us, even though we might not see it happening…We must learn to depend on the visible Word of our invisible and incredible God. Because God doesn’t lie or deceive us, we wait with confidence and patience for him to fulfil His promise.

We’ve been praying for months for Chris to get a permanent job. We’ve been praying for me to finish my thesis on time. Finishing my thesis on time hasn’t happened. Chris has had several interviews and not found a permanent job. And I wonder to myself what is going on?! Why aren’t things working out?! And this oppression comes on you, because you feel that you have to sort it out! You have to do this on your own. And that’s a lie, because any house that is built without Lord will crumble. Any plan made outside of God’s will fail. And neither Chris nor I want to be outside of God’s will. So I ask Him to silence the voices of doubt, the voices that tell me I’m a failure and good for nothing; that I am a disappointment to my mom. And I ask God to help me focus on the truth. God is faithful. He has a plan to prosper me and give me a future. That He cannot deny Himself. I hold on to His promises. I look at who I am in Him – a child of God, and not in anyone else eyes. He is my Heavenly Father, who wants to bless me immensely. This means there is no room for feelings of failure or lack of self-worth. God has greater things in store for me.

All We Want for Christmas...

….is a house. Time is creeping up on our wedding and people are asking us what we want for our Christmas presents; whether we would want stuff for our house or personal items. Yes, we have a wedding registry with household items on, like kitchen appliances, crockery etc. But what’s the use of having all the stuff, if you don’t have a house to put it in!

Chris has changed jobs. He’s doing seasonal work at Curry’s a store similar to Best Buy in the States. It makes a welcomed changed from being a newspaper delivery person, working 6 days a week regardless of the weather. But it’s not how he wants to utilise his IT skills for the long term. He went for a job interview recently for an IT technician post in a call centre. He didn’t think he did very well. He has struggled with sleeping well for years and he was not in top form when he went there. He stopped by after the interview, and it was lowest that I’ve seen him for a while.

Chris and I want to live our lives by faith - not by whom we know, but who we serve – God Almighty. But, to tell you the truth, it is hard. His frustration is that employers aren’t prepared to give you a chance, even though you can demonstrate all the skills that they want…and then some, without a degree paper. Chris has his qualifications, and he is very good at IT, but because of having OCD, he couldn’t go to a university to get a degree after A-levels. He was just too sick to do it. I feel helpless in the whole situation, because, I want to be able to help him in some way. Sometimes I don’t even know how to pray. We’re not sure what God is doing with us at the moment. We definitely, feel like we’re going through refiner’s fire, I tell you that much. There are times when I want to blame someone for the situation that we’re in. But who do I blame? God? I wouldn’t dare. The employers of Britain? Would love to, but I’m not sure how useful that it would be. The fact is I can’t blame anybody. And blaming doesn’t help the situation anyway!

Prayer changes things. That was the motto of my late pastor Revd Cleve Grant. And I have to believe in the power of prayer, because there is nothing else more that I can do. I wish I could pluck the job out of the air and hand it to Chris. I wish we could have £100,000 to pay for a house or £6000 to take care of our first year’s rent! I wish that I could answer people with a definite answer of where we’re going to live – but I can’t. All I can do is hold on to the promise that God is faithful. That He will bring us through it and oh, what a testimony it will be! Someone told me recently that when you live by faith, you have to lower your expectations. I chuckled and agreed with the statement. But now that I think about it, when you live by faith in a God that created the universe and owns everything in it, you should the highest expectations! I should expect £160,000 to pay for the house that we want up front, with no mortgage. I should expect Chris getting a good job. I should expect that I get a good job. I should expect that all our provisions should be met. Because I serve a powerful and living God, who wants to be bless me and Chris until we’re saturated by it! So, I reject that statement and hold on to the fact that when I walk in faith I expect great things to happen – but it is all in the will of God. If God doesn’t want me to have it, I don’t want to get it. So yes, all we want for Christmas is a house….the house that God wants for us.

Troubled Waters

I am continuing my journey in FAITH ALONE a daily devotional based on the writings of Martin Luther. Walking in faith is not easy and it tests your endurance when things do not go according to the way you envisaged. Earlier this month I celebrated my engagement to Chris. His parents even placed an announcement in the local paper, so we got our 5 seconds of fame! We’ve been juggling wedding plans, with Chris looking for jobs and our regular commitments to our church. Chris had two interviews, one before we got engaged and one after. We were so certain that he would have gotten the job for the second interview. We saw how convenient it would be (he wouldn’t have to commute), the pay was reasonable for an entry level position and it would be great timing, as that would be one more thing to cross of the list of things to do. He didn’t get the job and it was such a crushing blow to all of us, Chris, me and his parents. You could almost see the rain cloud hovering over us for the rest of the day. When I spoke to Chris, I just broke down and cried. I tried to comfort myself with words such as ‘if it was God’s will he would have gotten it’; ‘God will supply all our need according to His riches in glory’; ‘I have a plan for you, says the Lord…to give you a hope and a future’. But emotionally I was broken. I screamed out to God ‘What is the plan?!’ ‘What are we supposed to do?!’

Then in my daily devotional a couple days after this happened, this was the title of it ‘WHEN WE FEEL FORGOTTEN’. Yep! That was exactly how I was feeling. Almost that God had forgotten that we’re getting married next year and we really need this job situation sorted out. The commentary was based on the passage when Joseph felt he was forgotten by the cupbearer and he struggled with the temptation of becoming impatient and complaining. Martin Luther says that the times when we feel like this, are the times when we should let the praise of God be on our lips “I will extol the Lord at all times; his praise will always be on my lips” (Psalm 34:1). By doing this ‘temptation, sadness and unbelief disappear’. It also at these times when there are troubled waters that Satan loves to go fishing and bring up all those feelings of uncertainty about your faith. Did God really say that He will do this for you? Should really be getting married this soon? Maybe you should postpone the wedding to give Chris some more time to find a job? And you begin to doubt the instructions that God gave you, which is to be persevere in faith and believe in His Word. We know that God gave us April 6 2008 as our wedding date – it’s a date of faith. If we back out of it now, what does that say about our faith? When I was really low, I heard God say to me ‘How much do you trust me? I gave you more than you imagined towards this wedding, will you trust me all the way through?’ And the answer is yes! You never know where you’re going to go when you decide to walk in faith, but you can trust the guide, He’s seen eternity.

I still pray for God to open doors for Chris and help him to find favour when he goes for interviews. He has interview on Oct 1, we’ll see if this is the job God wants for him….

The righteous shall live by their faith

I haven't been in touch for a while because of the pressures of work. I am still in the gruelling task of redrafting my thesis, which has been more time consuming than I could have every had imagined. It's a constant uphill struggle but I am going to get there!

The last time I made an entry, Chris and I were going through a difficult time at church and we were uncertain about our future there. But thanks be to God the situation is a lot better than it was. Relationships have not completely been restored to the way they were, but there has been a dramatic improvement. Personally, my spiritual life has been going through a time where I have to be making leaps of faith in all that I do. Chris lent me a devotion book based on sermons and writings by Martin Luther called 'FAITH ALONE'. It's a simple book. Each day has a scripture verse and a paragraph based on Martin Luther's teaching. But it has transformed the way that I think and especially the way that I perceive God's word and God Himself. I see the Bible so much more as the Word of God. And since God, who in His nature is true and cannot deny Himself, then His word must be true. For instance, Chris is currently looking for a job and it has been hard going with interviews and not getting offered the post. But I know Chris has to be given a job, because he needs one. In the book of Philippians it is said that God will provide all your need according to His riches in glory. Therefore Chris has to get a job!

There are other times when you have to make those steps of faith because you know that is something that God says you should do - so you do it! Chris and I want to get married next year. Neither of us have a job, but we know that this is what God wants of us. We were planning the wedding for months: checking out details for reception venues, florists, wedding favours, cake prices - the whole lot. And we decided that we wanted the wedding in April. So we declared the date in faith April 6 2008. Chris' mom suggested that we postpone it because neither of us had a job, but we weren't happy with that. It didn't seem to be a declaration of faith but accepting defeat. So we continued making our plans with the belief that the righteous shall live by their faith and this is the way that we wanted to live.

Then on September 5, Chris asked me to marry him. Of course I said yes! And we prayed that God would honour our faith....and He did! And this is how...

Today we decided to bite the bullet and tell Chris' parents that we were getting married. I was physically ill thinking about their reaction. They are not usually the most encouraging - like I said it was suggested by his mom that we postpone the wedding until we were financially secure. So with bated breath, we waited for their reaction. Chris' dad just started laughing, and asked are you serious? We nodded yes. And then he just came out with words we never would have expected - CONGRATULATIONS! We gave a shocked response of thank you. Then there were the questions: where, when, where are you going to live, etc. After I gave my well researched answers, he said 'Let's backtrack a second, whose paying for this? How is this being funded?' I felt my stomach turning again and I thought 'Here's the bombshell'. Chris responded honestly ' I don't know. We've just been gathering information'. Then a miracle happened, Chris' dad offered to pay for the entire wedding! I just kept on thinking and praising in my heart, 'God you're good. God you're so good!' My God is a God who honours His word. He cannot lie. He cannot deny Himself. And I wanted a testimony out of this. I wanted our wedding preparations, the ceremony, our lives to be a testimony of God's goodness and that He does supply all that we need according to His riches in glory.

Therefore, the righteous shall live by their faith (Habakkuk 2:4) - it's an exciting path to choose.

Think on these things...

On June 1 Chris said to me things will be a lot different at the end of the month. I’m not sure he realised how prophetic his words were. The main change that I was expecting was that he would have completed his Comptia A+ computer course and would now be a qualified IT Technician. Thanks be to God Chris achieved his qualification on June 21^st when he passed his exam! He’s now continuing his job hunting process and we believe God will open a door for him.

I am now in the process of doing the second draft of my thesis in its entirety, which is a lot more difficult that I expected. It’s trying to figure out what fits and what doesn’t and also trying to carry a single train of thought through over 80,000 words! I struggle to carry a single train of thought in general conversation! But God works miracles, and the fact that I am in the process of completing this PhD is a miracle in itself! But that’s another story…

This month my struggle has been with relationships. I remember telling a friend that even though being a Christian isn’t the ‘easiest’ route to take in life – I really enjoy being one! And I’ll tell you what I told her – no matter how ‘good’ you think your life is…it can be an immeasurable amount better with Jesus Christ as your Lord and Saviour. One of the reasons, is especially when you go through struggles like I’ve shared in this blog, I know that I am not alone in it. I don’t have to sort it out on my own. I have God, Jesus and Holy Spirit with me to help me through it. God gave His word in the Bible to help us through difficult times. II Timothy 3:16-17 says:

Every Scripture is God-breathed (given by inspiration)
and profitable for instruction, for reproof and conviction of sin,
for correction of error and discipline in obedience, [and]
for training in righteousness (in holy living, in conformity to God’s will
in thought, purpose, and action)
So that the man of God may be complete and proficient,
well fitted and thoroughly equipped for every good work.

[Amplified Bible]

I could write a lot on those two verses, they are so powerful and have always encouraged me when people say that the Bible cannot possibly be true. God cannot lie – that is not in His nature, and since He inspired the writing of the Scripture, it also cannot be a lie. Coming back to what I said earlier, my struggle this month has been relationships and I am sure you have had the experience when someone close to you (or not so close to you) has said something that deeply hurt you and you’re utterly confused as to the reason you got that response. And the words that hurt the most are the ones that come from the people you love.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, says Proverbs 18:21 [Amplified Bible], and they who indulge in it shall eat the fruit of it [for death or life]. We were talking recently in our last ‘cell meeting’ at Church about how powerful the tongue is and very rarely do we remember the good things people say to us, but you’ll remember most of the bad things people have said to you, even as far back as your 2^nd grade teacher! But when these things happen and people say things that hurt you, as I have been struggling with, this Scripture verse has been so powerful in helping me, so much so, that I made an effort to memorise it [not from the Amplified Bible version though :o)]. It’s from Philippians 4:8, Paul writes to the church in Philippi:

And now, dear brothers and sisters,
let me say one more thing as I close this letter.
Fix your thoughts on what is true and honourable and right.
Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable.
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

Whatever has been said about you, or if you’re thinking about saying something about someone else, ask yourself if its true, honourable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and worthy of praise. If you cannot honestly answer yes to any of these, then you shouldn’t be thinking about it. It’s something that I try to put into practice myself, I’m not always successful, but I ask God to give me the strength to do it. Because I don’t want to say something to someone (or have someone say something to me) that isn’t any of these things.

So, think on these things…

Rejoice in the Lord always!

Well, I’ve decided that since I do not have regular access to the internet (*sniff*), I have resigned myself to do a monthly update of what’s been happening in the ‘Styx’ of Staffordshire. Well, for all those who are logging from Immanuel’s Church website, I hope it will be a worthwhile read. This month was another weepy month at times. When you think of all that you have to do, for instance finishing a 100,000 word thesis, thinking about looking for jobs, and just the future in general…it is overwhelming and you just break down and cry. I don’t remember when it was, but Chris just came over to visit me and I ended up crying on his shoulder for about an hour – well… shoulders as the first one got quite damp. You’re in this tunnel and you know that somehow you have to get to the end of it, but you don’t know how far you are until you exit it. The light looks so faint and distant at the end, but you can’t turn back because you’ve gone so far. And to be honest, sometimes the words are not in my head for prayer. At the moment, I’ve doing Bible readings from the Cover to Cover series and my mind is on a million and one things. Ashamedly, it seems as if I’m just going through the motions of it all.

It’s been a tough month for Chris as well. God has continued to bless him with health and he’s still involved with delivering newspapers, but he’s now seeking to change that and enter the IT profession. He’s applied for several positions and there has been no response for most. I continue to pray for him to find favour with an employer so that he can move on. But it is very disheartening when you don’t see anyone responding to your job applications. The thing is I have to hold on the fact that God has promised a future, and we both know that it is not in delivering newspapers, and God wants to promote him. Walking in faith is an extremely difficult thing to do, but it’s the best path to take.

Philippians 4:4 (NKJV) says, Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say rejoice! Even in the difficult times when I don’t feel the impetus to pray, and when things seem that they’re not going the way I want to I need to reflect on what good has God done for me. And God has been very faithful to me, even when I am not faithful. My left knee has been giving me trouble on and off this month, but every time I have asked God to heal me, He has! Not instantly at times, but I will wake up one morning and realise that my knee isn’t hurting me. Just recently my stomach was painful with spasms and the ‘horrible unmentionables’. Chris asked if I wanted him to pray for God to heal me, I said yes. After Chris prayed, I didn’t feel particularly better, but I got this image during the brief moment of him praying of my stomach being healed. It is very difficult to put into words, I even tried drawing it for Chris and it didn’t come out the way it was in my head (probably because I’m not a very good artist!). But a few moments later, I realised that there was no longer any pain in my stomach! So God is good…all the time!

I want to share with you the miracle God blessed me with this month, which I testified about in Church on Pentecost Sunday. I have a bike, her name is Bessie and she’s quite an old bike. But we have a good time cycling to the train station and about town, etc. Now, Bessie’s a road bike, so she has two sets of brakes for each tyre – one set is horizontal under the handlebars, the other is on the outside of the handle bar. For over a month, the horizontal brakes for the back wheel weren’t working because the brake pads had worn down; and so it wasn’t touching the rim of the wheel. Fast forward a few weeks later, Chris has a dream that I’m riding on my bike on a cliff near the sea and whilst cycling I speed up going faster and faster until I reach the end of the cliff and fall to my death. Not the nicest dream I know. Being from Jamaica, I read a lot into dreams, but I didn’t really think much about this one when Chris shared it with me.

A couple weeks after this, he mentions in passing if I’m going to get my brake pads sorted. I said I couldn’t afford it and it will just have to go as it is. Anyhow, the next day, out of curiosity – but I now recognise it was the Holy Spirit leading me; I called a couple bike shops to find about the cost of replacing my brake pads. I went to the one with the better price and that I had more confidence in. The mechanic wasn’t sure he could fix it that day, but he said he would try to squeeze me in. I left my bike with him and he said to come back in 20 mins. When I returned, I saw he was still fixing my bike, so I asked him if I should give him some more time (not having a watch on, I thought I may have come back earlier than expected). He turned to me and said ‘You’re lucky to be alive!’ I was a bit shocked by his statement, because I never knew worn brake pads were that serious! But he continued, ‘Your cable just snapped in my hand! If you had been cycling when this happened, you would have been in serious trouble’. Just then I had a flashback to Chris dream of me going faster and faster on that cliff. If my brake cable had snapped when I was cycling, which I was planning to the next day, I’m not sure if I would have been able to stop myself without causing some serious damage.

This is a miracle of timing and how God can sometimes use dreams to warn us of things to come. It’s not a coincidence! God used the Holy Spirit to nudge me to go and get my brake pads checked out. God also gave Chris that dream that he shared with me. Miracles still happen. I’m not sure if I would be in any condition to even type this or function in the way that I am used to if I had ignored the inclination to call the cycle shop. So, God is good. Miracles still happen today. And there’s no better place to be than in the hands of God!

Update

It is really hard keeping a blog up to date when you don't have internet. I am still adjusting to that and it's been almost a year since I moved to Staffordshire. A lot has happened, as it would in 3 months! So here's a summary of what's been going on so far...

FEBRUARY:
This was one of my worst months in a while. I was at my lowest spiritually and emotionally. I hated doing my PhD. I hated being in a relationship because I felt dissatisfied with it. Everybody's grass looked greener. Mine was withering away in what I felt was an unseasonable drought. All I can remember is weeks of crying, and just feeling empty. I didn't want to go to church. I didn't want to be around any Christians, all in all it left me emotionally exhausted.

Chris kept on saying that it was because of the demands of my degree. The road towards the end of your PhD is often bumpy and lonely and his suggestion was that it was a repercussion of that. I wasn't convinced, but it put a name to part of the problem. It all came to an explosive end when Chris and I had our biggest argument in a while and it looked that we were going to break up. I spoke to God from somewhere inside me. I know that I wasn't promised tomorrow. But if He blessed me with that I wanted Him to show me how to fix what was going on inside me. And He did! Because God answers prayers!

MARCH:
This was a month of growth. God continued to heal me from the battering that I went through the month before. But it was also a month of challenges. First of all, it was the breast cancer scare. I found a lump in my right breast and I my doctor found another in my right and one in my left breast. So 3 lumps...great! She said there was the possibility that it could be breast cancer, so she chose to be safe than sorry and referred me to the Breast Cancer Unit. I could not do any work for the 7 days until my visit. You pray about it and you leave it in God's hands. And then you mentally prepare yourself for the worst. You think about how you have to adjust your life in case you do have this illness. Chris was supportive all the way through and even came with me to the appointment. It was a tedious 2hrs. I had to have an initial check up with the consultant, who said that my lumps could be an indication of cystic fibrosis. Which in a way was good news, because he said that the lumps would be benign, and it would only take a simple operation to get rid of them. By the end of the 2hrs when I went to have an ultrasound to determine the exact size of the lumps - they had shrunk! All that remained was a little lump that was about the size of a pea! The doctor doing the ultrasound said that it was nothing to worry about and that it looked like a bit of fatty tissue. I wanted to tell her that's what is it now, but that wasn't what it was about an hour ago! God is good and He answers prayers. Miracles still happen, because that was a miracle!

APRIL:
April was a month where God continued to amaze me, and I was amazed myself with what was happening in my life. The most exciting thing was that for the first time in 6 years - I danced! It was absolutely amazing! Immanuel has a meeting ever 2 weeks called 'Open to the Spirit' and everyone one of us who was there felt the amazing power of the Holy Spirit. The dance I did was an offering to God for healing my knee, which is what prevented me from dancing for so long. When I used to practice the dance, my knee would just buckle, it had lost all strength. But before I got up there I just felt this power inside me and I danced liked I never danced before for my God! It was also a month of sad news because it was the 15 year anniversary since my brother left our family home and he hasn't been back...not yet! I believe that he will return, because God is faithful to His promises. He promised many years ago that our family would be restored and I know that in His perfect timing, it will happen.

So in a nutshell, with a lot of details left out...if you can imagine it. Listen, God is faithful. He cannot lie to you, He cannot deny Himself. If you trust in Him and accept Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour, He will, through the power of the Holy Spirit, transform you. He will transform your mind and your relationships. He's awesome, and at my lowest point He reached me where Chris couldn't and He pulled me out. See what happens with you...

1John 4:4

When I became a Christian, I found the Great Commission very overwhelming:

Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations,
baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,
teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you;
and, lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.
Amen
Matthew 28: 19-20.

It seemed like such a huge task, almost impossible. How on earth am I supposed to do that? Doesn't God know who are the people I have to talk to? I was scared to share my faith with people. And to be honest, sometimes I still am. I have come up with people who are so angry with God, that when they hear that I am a Christian it releases this ravenous beast that wants to chew up and spit out the Word of God like it's stale gum. It's pointless. It's worthless. It's only for gullible people. I can't believe in a God that says homosexuality is wrong. I can't believe in a God....period. These are some of the responses I've gotten from people.

It can leave you disheartened and weary. And for a few years, I just gave up sharing my faith. People choose want they want to. God gave us free will, so who am I to shove this down their throats, when they obviously don't want it. But that's not what God called me to do. When I became a Christian, I told God that I would love Him with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my strength (Deuteronomy 6:5). And if I love Him, I will obey His commandments (John 14:15). And He commands me to go and make disciples! So how am I supposed to do that?!

I think (and to be honest, I still do a bit) find it daunting, because I think of me, on my own facing people. But that's not the truth, Jesus has promised to be with me always, even to the end of the age! Whenever I feel that the task Jesus has given is too much, I take comfort in the words from 1 John 4:4

...He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world

I asked Jesus to come into my heart, and being a Christian means that I am in Jesus and Jesus is in me. So I go in boldness of faith, knowing that it is not just me, but it is me with the armies of heaven and Jesus Christ in me, to go and tell them the truth. The truth that believing in Jesus Christ is the only way to Heaven. And by believing in Him, you have eternal life.

The harvest is great, but the workers are few...

Boldness of faith

It has been a great few weeks being back in England. Believe me, I do miss the warm climate of Jamaica. The privilege of being able to wear slippers and sleeveless tops, and to be able to swim in the sea without putting yourself at risk of hypothermia. And I miss my family and not being able to see my very handsome nephews -for me home is where the heart is. But, God has been blessing me so much since I've been back.

I had a safe trip back. Both my suitcases turned up at Heathrow. I did have a little scare when I arrived in Miami where I was told (in Jamaica) to collect my bags and I didn't see them arrive for over 1 hour! But the people in the baggage collection were very helpful and one of them lead me to an Air Jamaica personnel, who put my concerns to rest when he said that my bags were checked through to Heathrow!

Chris and I are very close to an African church in East Croydon, London. It was the Pastor of the church, Louis Arku of Eagle Christian Ministries who told Chris that he was called to be a pastor. Whenever we attend their church we always go there with great expectation that God will do something! It's not that we don't get blessed in our church in Stapenhill (Immanuel Church), but there is something very special about Eagle Christian Ministries. Their motto is 'Proclaiming Jesus, Touching Lives' and that's exactly what they do. They proclaim the truth of the Bible (undiluted) and we never leave there the same. It'll be 5 years this year that we've been friends with them, and it's encouraging to note in ourselves (Chris and I) that we have changed and we have matured in our faith.

The main thing that I took from being there last week Sunday (14th January) was to be bold in my faith. To recognise that greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world. And because of that promise, to not be shy about sharing my faith to people, even though they may scoff at it. Jesus faced prosecution during His ministry. There are several accounts in the Bible when they threatened to stone Him for what He was saying. But He kept on going boldly with faith in His Heavenly Father until the end....

I've been meditating on this and God lead me to this Scripture passage - Jeremiah 17:7-8

...blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him.
He will be like a tree planted by the stream.
It does not fear when heat comes;
its leaves are always green.
It has no worries in a year of drought
and never fails to bear fruit.

I want to stand firm no matter what the year brings trusting and putting my confidence in Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father, so that I will bear good fruit for the sake of the kingdom of God.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

It's official I have to complete my PhD in 9 months!

I wasn't sure whether to make new year resolutions or not....but I did anyway. My main New Year resolution is to eat healthier and exercise more! Sounds a bit boring...and also like a cliche. My New Year prayer is the same as last year, reconciliation and restoration of my family. I pray that I'll be able to see my brother, his wife and his children and to have all of my family under one roof. For my Dad, I pray that he will become a new creature in Jesus Christ. It has been so difficult for my mom and myself with him moping around and throwing himself a pity-party. In a way, I'm scared because I don't want him to take it all out on Mommy once I'm gone. I know that I can't be around for her all the time, but I do feel guilty leaving her alone with the wrath of my father.

But what else can I do, but pray. I've tried talking to him. I've wrote him letters. I've prayed...but not with complete faith in my heart I guess. I've yet to fully understand the perseverance in prayer. Is it repeating a prayer all the time to God? Or is it having it consistently in your heart, even though you may not say it out loud? I do find prayer confusing at times. I feel that do it too casually...if that's a possibility. Why do I feel that I need to put on this 'air' when I pray that will make it more effective? I would love to see some of my prayers answered, the main prayer being Daddy's willingness to accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Saviour. I think that event will have such a ricochet effect on all of our lives, that I may end up crying and shouting from the roof tops that God does answer prayer. And it's not to say that I haven't seen Him answer my prayers...I have. It's just that the situation between my parents has been going on for over 20 yrs. This year will make 15 years since my brother was in Jamaica! And I would love to hear his voice....I think I've forgotten what he sounds like!

But I pray to God for supernatural strength and to pray against procrastination so that I can push full steam ahead with writing up my dissertation. I feel scared...I am scared. But all things are possible when I put my trust in God. Nevertheless, I have to do my part. And this is where I need divine guidance for.

So, Happy New Year everyone. May God richly bless you in all that you do!

Lots of love

Julie