Have you heard????

I was invited out this evening for drinks with some people from Uni. Usually I turn down this invitation because the people around me either get completely drunk or smoke and you end up smelling that you've chain smoked about 100 cigarettes! But tonight I accepted, and it was really lovely. I met some undergrads, and another Christian!!! That was very exciting!!! We didn't get to talk much about that aspect of things, but it was great to be sitting beside someone who probably believed the same thing you did. So there were 3 guys and 5 girls.

But when the guys left, us girls got down to catching up what's been happening in our lives. It was a bit strange because even though we know each other from being in the same department we each have our own separate circle of friends, so we don't get together like this, very often - at least not with me. And then it moved into Department gossip. And I really struggled with this, as a Christian. I mean, you want to know what's going on with other people's lives and believe some the stories I heard tonight were jaw-droppers! But God clearly states in His word that we shouldn't take part in that sort of conduct. Leviticus 19:16 says "Do not spread slanderous gossip among your people." (NLT) So, I must confess before you (my readers) and before God, I am sorry that my action was against what God outlines for His people, it was not good Christian conduct. And I don't want to excuse by saying that through gossip, I found that I needed to be careful about how I interact with someone in the department, or else I may be giving the wrong signs, which could lead to a very complicated situation - but anyhow that is another story.

What really struck me was the state of these people's lives. I'm not saying that I am perfect - by no means. We have all fallen short of the glory of God and we are all sinners. But two of these girls were in relationships and they both cheated on their boyfriends. One said she did because her boyfriend cheated on her, but she felt really guilty about it - she's still with him, but wants to break up with him eventually. The other broke up with her boyfriend after she had a fling with another guy.

My relationship with Chris isn't perfect, and we have gone through our ups and downs and our rough patches. But the one thing that has made it stable is that it is centred on God. Chris asked me, in life who comes first? And I honestly said, God. If there is anything in our relationship that is going to affect my relationship with God, then it needs to go. It wasn't always that way. When we started going out, my life centred about Chris and what he thought about me rather than what God thought about me and my relationship with God. But it does take time and dedication, and to be honest the grace and mercy of God to make this work.

To be honest, I felt like a fish out of water with these people. They are lovely girls - all of them. But there was a connection I felt with John (the Christian guy) that wasn't there with others when he left.

It is difficult interacting with people who don't believe the same thing that you do. But this is the prayer Jesus prayed for us, when He knew was leaving this earth:

I'm not asking you to take them out of the world,

but keep them safe from the evil one.

They are not part of this world any more than I am.

Make them pure and holy by teaching them your words of truth.

As you sent me into the world, I am sending them into the world.

John 17:15-18 (NLT)

Panic Attack!!!!

Okay,

Here's the story:

I love music. I listen to it when I'm walking, when I'm working, it's always in the background. For Christmas, Chris and his family gave me a MP3 player, which I've nicknamed Zen. Zen's been my travelling partner and he keeps me company when I'm doing my research.

Well, today I thought I had lost him. I noticed he wasn't in my room last night, and I just that maybe I had misplaced him somewhere in my handbag. But I began a more systematic search for him - I couldn't find him! And then my mind reflected on my activities yesterday. I was cooking, and I was cutting up vegetables. And I thought *gasp* I've thrown him in the bin! I searched the bin in the kitchen, and then Maiko (my flatmate) told me that they had taken out the garbage this morning.

Now, I live in student accomodations in a residence with thousands of students. The thought of rummaging through hundreds of bags of rubbish was not appealling! And then I felt nauseated and so disappointed in myself. How could I throw a very expensive piece of equipment away! Literally! I called Chris and I was hysterical on the phone. I felt so terrible and so stupid!

I asked another of my flatmates and she said that there's a note on the fridge (which in my blind panic I didn't see) saying that another of my flatmates (I have 5) found a 'music thing - purple in a black case' on the floor outside our flat. The excitement that I felt - I couldn't express. I knew it was Zen! I don't know how I dropped it, because I believed that it was clipped onto my belt.
I just thanked God for allowing him to be found!

But the site office where Fiona my flatmate handed Zen into wouldn't be open until Monday. So I prayed asking me to prepare myself - if it wasn't him.

When I walked into the site office on Monday and saw him lying there on the desk by the warden. I just thanked God for giving him back to me.

God is good - all the time

Let her cry

For the past few days I have been battling with hayfever. It is such an uncomfortable experience, mainly because there is very little you can do to alleviate the symptoms. So I've been sneezing, coughing, blowing my nose so loudly it echoes, because of microscopic pollen in the air! I've recently seen hayfever as another illustration of man's fight against nature since the Fall (but that's another story).

I've been spending Easter with Chris and his family in Derbyshire. Easter Sunday was such a beautiful day, the sun was out in a bright blue sky. It was almost if nature was celebrating the significance of the day, as we remember that Jesus is the Victor over death. Because He conquered death, He is alive and His message brings life to so many people in the world. Chris and I went out and sat in a nearby field and did Bible Study. Monday was such a change as we found ourselves arguing so much about the most petty things! For instance, me not liking ice hockey and car parking - I told it was petty. And then Chris felt he was becoming ill, so he was a bit miserable and I felt disappointed. We had so many good days together and now in a couple days I am returning to Leeds, and he's become ill. It's such a big deal because it affects the brief time that we have together, as you're not yourself when you're ill.

But yesterday, I also had a tough battle with self-esteem. I woke up feeling so fat and ugly and when you look in the mirror you just see the proof to confirm it - staring back at you. My face had a bit of a stress related break out and to top that off I had added some extra poundage because of the season!

Psalm 139:14 says: I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made (NIV). Then why does a couple of spots on my face, and a bit of a rounder tummy convince me that I am not beautiful?! God has made me. Not only that God has made me 'wonderfully.' Last night, because of everything, because I felt so ugly and so fat and then instead of walking, I'm waddling - I broke down and cried. I don't know where it came from, I didn't even know I had that many tears in me! Chris held me as I cried. And he told me that I am beautiful. I said he had to say that because he is my boyfriend. He said 'No, it's because it's the truth.' But why can't I believe that being made in God's image is enough? Why does outside opinion matter so much?

I don't want it to be an excuse to let myself go and not be sensible about what I eat, and not taking care of my body. But it's the affect it has on your mind and how you see yourself, when you are a couple pounds of heavier. It's the sadness that you feel. The guilt that burdens you when you eat Turkish Delight Easter Eggs! You begin to hate the food that God has provided for you. Food that is such a blessing, I sometimes see as a curse because of indulgence. Which is frankly - greed. It's achieving that balance that is important. There is no need to despise what God has given me, as long as it had in moderation.

I am fearfully and wonderfully made...Help me Lord to see...

Hot Cross Buns...

Do you remember the song of Hot Cross Buns?

Hot cross buns
Hot cross buns
One a penny Two a penny
Hot cross buns

To be honest, that's all I can remember of the song as well. But the point of me mentioning this, is that today is one of the most significant days in a Christian's life - Good Friday. This was the day that Jesus Christ, God's only son (one singer calls Him the Darling of Heaven), was crucified for our sins (even if you are not a Christian). However, Easter is portrayed as the time for Easter Egg Hunts, chocolate Easter Eggs and Hot Cross Buns - I hope you saw the link there :o)

Today, I went on a Good Friday Walk where you walk with a cross in front to a central location and then you are joined with other churches in the area. We went to Burton-on-Trent, a very busy town and had a open air time of worship, prayer and telling people (who were busy getting their shopping done) that Jesus died for them and they could have an extraordinary life by choosing Him! Which is true, you can! One girl who told her story of becoming a Christian, said that by choosing Jesus, she chose freedom. He made her free of her drug addictions. Now, instead of waking up thinking about her next fix, she wakes up thinking about Jesus and how much she loves Him.

I went to a vigil today at Church and we read through the Gospel of Matthew's description of Jesus' trial and crucifixion. Every year I read this account, and every year I try to understand the weight that Jesus' bore for me (sometimes it's so hard to imagine). For the times that I lied, for the times I got angry, for the times when I stole, for the times when I was jealous, for all the wrongs that I did - Jesus was nailed on that cross for me. The ridicule and pain that He suffered; the most painful being separated from His Father and unaware of his presence, which He always had from the very beginning. That's why He cried out to God: "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46).
God could not bear to look at His only begotten Son, because all of our sins - because all of my sins had been piled on Him. What an amazing sacrifice! What a loving God! All of that for me?

The song In Christ Alone says it well:

In Christ alone, who took on flesh

Fullness of God in helpless babe

This gift of love and righteousness

Scorned by the ones He came to save

Till on the cross as Jesus died

The wrath of God was satisfied

For every sin on Him was laid

Here in the death of Christ I live

Stuart Townsed Copyright:2001 Kingsway's Thankyou Music

I could go on and on about the gift of God's sacrifice, and you may think I probably have. But I ask you this question: Have you chosen Christ? Do you think it's important to find out about this man who died for you?

And for those of you who have chosen Christ, please remember the sacrifice that He made for you and how that has affected your lives.

A mug of coffee and two mugs of tea

Note to self: Drinking a mug of coffee and two mugs of tea should be avoided in the future!

The things is, I could not fall asleep last night! But, I'm not sure if it was the caffeine or the joy and excitement after an hour just praying and crying out to God. Something in me changed after I spent that time with God. I did not feel the same (and no I didn't feel worse). There were times in the past when I felt tired the moment it was said 'Let us pray.' Whether it was in church or in a group, my spirit would feel tired and my mind would tune out.

Last night that did not happen! I went to a group started by my church (St. George's Leeds). The group is for people who want to pray and spend time with God. It was different because we spent some time in silence, just listening for inspiration from the Holy Spirit and some time in prayer. There are times when I was afraid of silence ( it was a bit uncomfortable for me last night) and wanted to pray just to break it. I try and cram as many issues as I can think of because I am scared of the silence! The Bible says 'Be still and know that I am God' (Psalm 46:10)

But back to last night! Our prayer time was based on Habbakuk 1: 1-4 which says:

How long, O Lord, must I call for help? But you do not listen! "Violence!" I cry, but you do not come to save. Must I forever see this sin and misery all around me? Wherever I look, I see destruction and violence. I am surrounded by people who love to argue and fight. The law has become paralyzed and useless, and there is no justice given in the courts. The wicked far outnumbered the righteous, and justice is perverted with bribes and trickery. (NLT)

Isn't that such a reflection of the world today?! So that's what we prayed about! We prayed for the world specifically: Jamaica, England and Zimbabwe. We prayed for the Christians working there who are laughed at because of their faith. Because it seems that the God they love and serve is not answering. We prayed for the Church, particulary the one in England. The Church has forgotten that all the authority of Jesus was given to them. The Church has forgotten the Great Commission given by Jesus:

I have been given complete authority in heaven and on earth. Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always even to the end of the age. (Matthew 28: 18-20 NLT)

For those of you who don't believe in Jesus Christ, don't feel left out...we prayed for you too :o) I used to be where you are, and thinking my life would be great as long as I got a good job, a house, a car, and a husband. I understand the uncertainty you have about making this step of faith. I know that it feels uncomfortable. But it will be the most rewarding thing you can ever do! My life has changed completely! Listen, the fact that I enjoyed praying for an hour is testimony of God's work in me! And there's so much more! Send me a comment if you want to find out more about this, and why you should choose Jesus.

I am so grateful to God for the time that I spent with Him last night with my group. It changed me (for the better) and I pray that I continue to be changed.

Until next time.... :o)

What's on your mind?

This is my second day at blogging and already I had to call on Blogger Support because I forgot my username and password! There are so many things you have to remember: passwords, combinations, birthdays, appointements. A typical day for me is:

1. Remembering the passwords for the (trying to count in my head)....5 email addresses I have!
2. Then when I get to the University I have to remember the code to get into the PhD office
3. If I want to print something, I need to remember the code to get into the computer cluster
4. If I want to photocopy something for my tutorials - I have a Teaching Assistant's (TA's) code for the photocopier
5. If I want to photocopy something for my research - I have a PhD code for the photocopier!

I find the mind fascinating - so powerful, yet so fragile. Life's pressures can cause it to shut down. But I have found that reading and meditating on God's word (the Bible) strengthens it.

Chris (my boyfriend) and I went to London for a week recently and we found it the most amazing week that we've had! It was great sightseeing and meeting up with friends. But we believe what made the difference was the spiritual imput we had.

We are very close to a church called the Eagle Christian Ministries, in Croydon. It is a church that lives by the Bible and is dedicated to proclaiming the message of Jesus and by doing that they have touched lives. Chris and I have never left any service feeling the same. We always feel more empowered and strengthened in our faith!

When we were there we visited the Pastor, Rev Louis Arku and he was checking up on us - finding how life was back where we lived. I mentioned that I felt I had a mental block when it came to my research. I really struggled writing and getting my thoughts down in a coherent manner. It was really frustrating and I was beginning to feel scared about my progress. I felt I wasn't good enough, I was too slow. With this kind of progress, how was I going to complete my PhD and become Dr Julie-Ann Pencle (that looks and sounds great!).

The fact is my mind was under attack. Satan is the Father of Lies and I had listened to him for too long and believing those lies. He knows how to attack your mind, he knows what will affect you. He's been studying human behaviour for longer than anyone of us will be alive.

I was given some Scriptures that I hope you will find as encouraging as I did:

The first one is Colossians 3: 1-3

If then you were raised with Christ, seek the things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth. For you died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. (NKJV)

Another one that really helped me was Phillipians 4: 8 & 13

Finally, brethen, whatever things are true, whatever thinngs are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy - meditate on those things. (NKJV)

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. (NKJV)

Ask yourself who controls your mind? Because whoever does is in charge of your heart and soul.

May the truth of God's word set you free.

Testing...

I must admit, I have avoided techonology trends, but I am captivated by the idea that you can affect millions of people through 'blogging.' This first post is for people to get an idea of who I am. I need to avoid 'airing my dirty laundry' as my mom calls it, so as not to dishonour her.

Well... I am from Jamaica, but I am currently in Leeds, England pursuing my PhD. I am in my 2nd year (one year to go and I cannot wait). I am the youngest of 3. I have a sister and a brother. My sister is in Jamaica, my brother is in Fort Lauderdale. The relationship with my brother is strained, and has been for over 13 years. In a way, he is the reason why I started blogging, because I want him to know that I still love him and we're looking forward to the day that he and his family contacts us.

For years we didn't know where he was. We knew that he was married and he had a little boy, who is now a teenager! I can't believe it! But yesterday for the first time in 10 years, I spoke to him. I heard his voice, and even though he wasn't very pleased to hear my voice - I still see it as an answer to prayer!

This is why I've entitled my blog as 'Walking in Faith.' I am a Christian and I believe that God will restore our family. I have been praying since the beginning of this year, for resolution and restoration for my family. A lot of milestones are happening this year (my dad turning 70, my sister giving birth in August) and I pray that my brother and his family contacting us and making us a complete family will be one of them.

So I hope that you will walk with me in this journey of faith and see what good things God will do :o)