How do I love?

Deuteronomy 6: 5-6 says:

You shall love the Lord your God with all your [mind and] heart

and with your entire being

and with all your might.

And these words which I am commanding you this day

shall be [first] in your own minds and hearts.

This was the Scripture reading at my church yesterday. And when I read it, something nudged me inside, and my eyes were opened. I was going through my Christian life, not realising that I wasn't doing the first thing that God commanded me to do! As I reflected on this last night, I wrote this prayer in my journal:

God, teach me to love you with all my mind and my heart and with my entire being and with all my might. God my whole life must be focused on loving you. How can I do this God? I yearn for this! I am spiritually starving for this! Fill me with your Holy Spirit, Dear God. Consume with your fire. Burn out whatever will prevent me from obeying this command.

What a challenge?! I say that God is my first love, but is he really? What comes between me and Him? What prevents me from dedicating completely to Him? I know that at times it's fear. Fear of letting go, what I know and going towards what I don't know. When I say to God I want to love You as You commanded me, I am scared of what He will ask me to do because of that love.

When Jesus re-instated Peter after he denied knowing Him, He asks Peter three times 'Do you love me?' Three times, Peter times says yes. Three times Jesus gives Peter instructions: 'Feed my lambs' (John 21: 15), 'Shepherd (tend) my Sheep' (John 21:16), 'Feed my sheep' (John 21:17). When we say we love Jesus, He will ask us to do things for Him, for the benefit of His Kingdom. Am I ready? I pray again, God, remove from within me whatever will prevent me from obeying this command.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Restoration

On Monday, the 15th of May, I went to my prayer group. I must admit I wasn't looking forward to going. I have found it difficult to become a part of this group and I almost gave up on it. But I was having such a bad day, that I just didn't want to go back to my student accommodation and stay in my room, I needed Christian company. And I'm so glad I went. It was a good time for me to stay focused on God after a difficult day. When we came together to pray, we asked God to use the gift of prophecy and words of knowledge, to help us to seek His face.

Initially, I got the word 'restoration' in my head. I didn't mention it then, because I wanted to make sure it was from God. But every now and again, it would come up in my mind - 'restoration.' Probably about an hour into our prayer session, Beth asked if God had given or shown anyone anything. Well, my mouth opened, I don't remember consciously doing it and said I kept on getting the word 'restoration' in my head. And the message given to me was relating to the restoration of the church. Another person in the group, Simon, said that he also got a picture of a building that had been weathered and was being restored. When we prayed about this message, I got another picture of a bride, and so the Holy Spirit led me to pray for the church, who Jesus Christ called His bride. I prayed that the church have restoration in its faith in God and in its love for God.

It was just an amazing session together! I'm learning to wait on God and not feel the pressure to pray because everyone else has said something and you haven't! We all prayed that the Holy Spirit would lead our time together. Amongst other things, I felt really burdened to pray for those who had lost their faith in God, because of the situation they're in. I felt that God had turned His back on our family because my brother walked out on us. But in January, I prayed and asked God that this be the year of restoration and healing for my family. It took me years to learn that I couldn't blame God for what people did by their own free will.

Until next time...God be with you all.

He emailed me!!!

If you didn't know, this blog was started because I had a very hurtful encounter with my brother a couple of months ago. I called him at work and was so excited to hear his voice for such a very long time, probably over 10 years. Unfortunately, he wasn't as happy to hear from me. The thing is, because I had upset him so much, I just feared he would retaliate and close down the shutters on our communication again, as they were just beginning to open. He hasn't been around for about 13 years, and I miss him dearly. And I've prayed on and off during those years of absence for God to restore our family with his return, because his absence has affected all of us.

Well, today he sent me an email, asking me to forward his Mother's e-card to Mommy, because it coming back to him as being undeliverable. Okay, so I may have been the go-between. But I consider this to be one of those breakthroughs that you need to encourage you in your faith and a boost to your prayer life.

Today, I also went up for prayer after church. I have been in such a dark cloud mentally for weeks now and it has been affecting my work. I know that it was a mental warfare. But I just felt too oppressed to pray for myself. Why does it seem that you keep on being prayed for the same thing though? But, the release that I felt through prayer was amazing. I don't think I had ever wept that much in front of strangers. I almost finished the box of tissues they handed me! When I was in the church service, I knew that I wanted to go up for prayer. But something said that I shouldn't, because it was a sign of weakness. When I told Chris this, he said that anything tells not to go up for prayer is more than likely not from God. We're called to persevere in prayer for other people and for ourselves. We are supposed to bear each other's burdens. The Church is more than a building, it's more than coming together on a Sunday. The Church is a community, a community in Christ.

I think sometimes we forget this.....